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I'm sure you'd not be surprised if I told you that most guys are getting burnt out with online dating these days.
Here's a recent conversation I saw on Facebook.
Needless to say, Tinder can be a real headache when you're not aware of certain things.
In this article, I am going to tell you exactly how guys should use Tinder.
To make the most of it, avoid time wasted, and keep your sanity.
We will go over:
● The best mindset to have with dating apps.
● And then have a look at how guys should use Tinder in practice.
Let's dive in.
What is the Best Mindset to Use Tinder?
A lot about how guys should use Tinder in a sane way revolves around managing your expectations.
So let's start with the best 5 Tinder tips for guys when it comes to mindsets.
1 - Focus on What Matters the Most
I'm getting right into the most important stuff first.
Because most of the Tinder tips for guys you can find online just makes you confused as a Tinder user.
Actually, the way guys should use Tinder involves a lot of focusing on the right things.
Not that much in knowing the wittiest opening message.
Here's what actually matters the most:
I've added links to my best Tinder tips above so that you can go in-depth with our other articles.
And yes, there are other things that matter like your Tinder bio for example.
But those 3 points above are literally 80% of your success on dating apps.
So for the best results, double down on the things that will get you the most immediate results.
2 - Do Not Try to Get to Know Her
I know it sounds a bit counterintuitive.
But dating apps are not a place where you get to know people.
You must see dating apps as a place where people filter other people.
The "get to know each other" stuff will happen later, during a date.
But that comes after the screening process, after the online dating part.
That's a huge part of how guys should use Tinder:
Steer clear of long Tinder conversations.
Rest in peace, short king.
He’s talking so much it reeks of desperation.
Which is not very attractive.
That’s not how guys should use Tinder.
Instead, use it as a place to filter women and find potential Tinder dates.
In fact, women know that very well.
If you talk way more than her, you can be sure that you're about to get ghosted.
Keep the “get to know each other” banter for your date.
3 - Understand Why Women Use Dating Apps
Since a date is what you're technically after in the Tinder game.
It's a great idea to understand what girls want and why they want it.
So that you can give it to them, and then have them give you what you want in return.
Why do women use dating apps?
Unlike men, women use dating apps for a variety of reasons:
To find a date
To boost their confidence
To fight boredom or loneliness
Because they're tinderin' on the toilet
Etc…
Actually, according to recent studies, women mostly use dating apps out of boredom.
So technically, among all of your matches, roughly half of them are not even looking for a date.
Ouch, that hurts, doesn't it?
The first time I came across those studies I thought dating apps were a scam.
But are they really?
See, the thing is that when used right, dating apps are an effortless gold mine.
Strong emphasis on the "when used right".
You must focus on that smaller fraction of women who actually are using the app to find a date.
Let me take a totally random number for the sake of the argument:
Let’s assume that only 5% of all women on Tinder want a date.
And you want 1 date a week.
Assuming your text game is perfect, you’d need 20 matches per week.
To ensure that you get that 1 date a week (on average).
That’s how guys should use Tinder to make it easy:
Stop grinding your teeth on the majority of women you see on dating apps.
Focus on the minority that wants a date with you.
4 - Don't Be Afraid to Next Girls
Since most women are not on the app to actually find a date, you must filter them.
That's a very important part of how guys should use Tinder.
Look for those signs that she's not here to find a date.
For example, girls who are very unengaged in the conversation:
Or girls who try to start fights when you tease them:
Or girls who don't have more than one photo, or only group photos, or no Tinder bio, etc.
Here's my point:
If she likes you, it will be easy.
If she doesn't like you, you will be confused.
5 - Break Rapport to Stop Wasting your Time
You must be able to next a girl if she isn't interested.
But since you can't read minds, you should not just dismiss any woman who's playing a bit hard to get.
So the best way to go about this is to break rapport more.
Here's an example:
Simplify, simplify, simplify.
And get back the upper hand with that potential match.
Honestly, almost no one is doing that, but that's how guys should use Tinder.
By enforcing their boundaries and standards a bit more.
She doesn't seem interested?
Call her out on that.
She still acts aloof?
Then most likely she isn't using the app to find a date.
Can you find a girlfriend on Tinder?
Tinder doesn't have the reputation of a serious dating app.
But if you're looking for a long-term relationship, that's fine too.
To most people, it's obvious that modern dating doesn't lead to an actual date very often.
And so Tinder has the reputation of being a hookup app.
Which is good or not, depending on what you're looking for.
But you can very well find a girlfriend on Tinder.
Because if a woman likes you enough for casual sex, chances are high that she will be interested in more.
How Guys Should Use Tinder in Practice
Now that we talked about mindsets, I want to answer a few very practical questions.
Take this as a compilation of my best Tinder tips in practice.
But before we get into it, I want to share a recent Tinder conversation I had.
Getting a Date Should be Easy
Most of the Tinder advice you can see online complicates things.
Truth is: getting a date should be easy.
It should not be impressive.
The way how guys should use Tinder is actually very low-key.
Way more normal than what most dating experts make it seem to be.
Let's take your opening line for example:
It can be crazy, or it can be normal.
In the above example, you see that you don’t have to try hard to start a conversation.
Only 2 things really matter:
Your opening line is engaging
The girl you're talking to actually likes your Tinder profile
I mentioned it earlier, having a good Tinder profile is a prerequisite.
And for good reason, if she likes your Tinder profile, your whole conversation will be easy.
So work on those Tinder photos.
Get an Attractive Tinder Account
Here’s a very high-value profile that was shared on Facebook.
It’s amazing because:
● It shows a high-value, above-average lifestyle
● A lot of thought went into those photos
● He shows a lot about his personality
I will never say it enough, your profile tells your life story.
And to attract women, it has to show your potential matches that you didn't put exactly zero effort in it.
Be it for a good first impression, one night or more.
Your opening message will be received differently depending on the quality of your profile photos.
Especially your first photo.
Check out our Tinder guide to get more matches through your photos.
Back to our Tinder conversation:
Most people are afraid to actually be funny and share fun on Tinder.
Thing is, when you talk to your match, she wants to enjoy it and have fun.
Not as friends, for sure.
But no girl will say no to a funny and charming match.
A great tip as to how guys should use Tinder is to have fun and be funny.
Stay relatable and don't say weird things.
But you can't go wrong when you're being funny and sharing fun.
Teasing girls works super well too.
Just make sure that you're still leading this to a date.
Which brings us to the next screenshot.
Eventually, you just gotta go for it and ask her out.
Again, if she likes you, it should be easy.
Now that we've seen how a good conversation goes, let's have a look at more practical advice for you
Should You Swipe Left or Swipe Right on Tinder?
A recent effective Tinder swiping strategy is to only swipe right on girls that you really like.
It is two-fold:
First, it shows the app the kind of girls that you like.
But it also shows the app that you have standards.
On the other hand, if you swipe right on literally everyone, it will show the algorithm that you don't care.
And you will be shown to less attractive girls.
And that's really now how guys should use tinder.
To get more matches with more attractive girls, swipe left more often.
How often Should You Connect to Tinder in a Day?
You should check out Tinder only once or twice a day.
The way I see Tinder is really as a long-term investment.
You start with a commitment (setting up an attractive profile).
You learn how to make it work (learning a Tinder texting system).
You sit back, relax, and wait for dividends (your occasional sexy match).
Just like you wouldn't check your investments 10 times a day.
Check out Tinder once after work, and another time before sleep.
This will have the added benefit of showing your matches that you have a busy life.
And just like it is with investing, you can supplement that with a job that brings you money more directly.
In terms of dating that would mean approaching girls that you find cute in real life.
How Fast Should You reply to Messages From Girls on Tinder?
A good rule of thumb is to wait at least 150% of the time she takes to reply.
The goal is to avoid looking too needy.
And to not give her the impression that you were just waiting in front of your phone for her reply.
It's a common Tinder tip, but don't make it too much of a hard rule.
What's important in how guys should use Tinder is to make it convenient.
If she happens to text you right when you also happen to be connected on Tinder, just reply to her.
We're not here to play mind games.
How Long Should You Wait Before Asking a Girl out on Tinder?
The main thing about how guys should use Tinder is to ask girls out ASAP.
Anything from half an hour to 72 hours after the conversation started.
Past that, your chances to ever meet her dwindle drastically.
People are impatient.
The best way to understand how guys should use Tinder is once again to put yourself in girls' shoes.
If she actually wants a date, she wants it now.
And if she doesn't go out with you, you can be sure that she will go out with another guy.
So don't waste time.
Focus only on women:
Who like you
Who need a date
Who can make it happen quickly
How Many Messages Should You Send Before Asking a Girl out on Tinder?
On average, it's anything between 8 to 20 messages back and forth.
This one is a bit of a curveball because it's difficult to give a one-size fits all solution.
But I don't want to leave you with a boring "it depends".
So yes it depends on the girl and your interaction.
But there is a proper texting system and that's how guys should use Tinder.
Not by counting the number of messages, but by leading girls through a system.
And if you don't have a text system in place that gets you hotter women, I really recommend you watch my Countless Dates training.
Once you start using a system, it doesn't really matter how many messages you send.
What matters then is how compliant the girl you talk to is in letting you lead her to a date.
And that's the final advice on how guys should use Tinder:
Keep a cool head, follow a proper system.
Is a Tinder subscription worth it?
Any subscription is worth it if you can afford it.
We've made some experiments in the past to see whether Tinder gold was worth it.
Overall it seems that Tinder plus offers the most features for the value added.
Personally, I prefer Tinder Gold because I'm too lazy to swipe.
Tinder Platinum is really expensive for what it offers.
But if you can afford it, you will get a slight edge over other online daters.
To Summarize
Personal opinion: Tinder should only be used when you're doing something else.
For example when you're in a Zoom meeting that doesn't really require you to listen, when you're waiting for the bus, etc.
At the end of the day, the way you use Tinder greatly influences your self-esteem and confidence, that's not a secret.
I really wanted to make this article to share how guys should use Tinder, it makes a big difference.
Approach it with the right mindset, and then use it in a way that doesn't eat your life away.
This article showed you exactly what are the most important things to focus on.
And that's how guys should use Tinder effectively.
And One More Thing!
I know it's hard to get matches with women you actually find attractive with online dating.
To solve that problem, I recorded an extensive Online Dating crash course to teach you what works best on dating apps.
