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So you met this cute girl and you've got her number.
Maybe from Tinder, maybe she's a friend of a friend...
Maybe you've got balls of steel and you met her in public.
But here's the thing:
You don't know how to ask a girl out over text.
More precisely, you don't want to:
Be cringe
Get rejected
Make her uncomfortable
And I get it, that's why in this article I will show you exactly how to smoothly ask a girl out over text...
So your text convos end up like this:
Want the same results?
Let's get right into it.
Here's a directory of what we will go over so you can jump right to what you value:
Make It Chill And Casual
What works best to get girls out on a date, to put it bluntly, is to be chill about it.
Imagine you're going to have a job interview:
You're tense, you want to make a good impression.
You overthink every detail to make the recruiter like you.
You better not screw it up, because you need that job.
And you know what's the funniest thing about it?
If you go to a job interview with that mindset, you are guaranteed to fail.
Or at least, you will greatly reduce your chances of success.
If you make it a big deal it immediately tells the recruiter you're not the best fit for the job.
It shows you are not at ease in this environment, you are not comfortable, you believe you're not good enough for it.
On the other hand, if you approach the interview with an open mind, no fear of the outcome, that you allow yourself to be chill and even casually chat with the recruiter, you will make a way better impression.
The same goes with asking a girl out for a date.
If you're afraid to screw it up, it gives a strong impression that you're not good enough.
That you're not used to girls saying yes to you.
I know it's paradoxical.
But you will get way better results if you are not afraid to receive a hard cold "NO".
Be Okay With Rejection
To be honest with you...
Girls never say no when I ask them out.
The worst I get is this:
So yes technically I got rejected.
But in practice, it actually sounds like:
"Hey, this is not a great time sorry."
And this is exactly why you should be straightforward.
Women will respect you for getting to the point.
On top of that, you just saved yourself some time, all it takes is 10 minutes of texting back and forth.
Don't be pissed.
Don't be upset.
Don't try to change her mind.
It should be chill, casual, and respectful.
Don't think you will be made a fool for trying your luck, it's a totally normal thing.
The only way you could look stupid for shooting your shot is if you actually act stupid and emotional.
The best mindset when you ask a girl out over text is to "shoot and forget", it's a numbers game after all.
This is also why a scarcity mindset is a terrible thing that really destroys one's dating life.
If you lack options, then it becomes extremely easy to make a lot of mistakes and overthink.
If that's you, recognize it and try your best to control yourself.
Girls Want You To Be Straightforward
When I tell you to be chill and casual what I really mean is that you should not overthink asking a girl out.
Yes, there is a proper way to do it and stay tuned for that, I will tell you exactly how to do it right below.
But first you gotta understand that trying harder to convince a girl to go out with you is not helpful.
(By the way, a more helpful thing can be to recognize the signs that she's not interested.)
It's actually the opposite, trying hard to convince a girl to go out with you is harmful.
It's needy and creepy.
It tells her you're not a guy who women usually chase.
It shows you don't have enough self-esteem to take the L and move on.
I know a lot of guys feel that texting is a minefield, a mind game, or even like playing chess.
And as a result, guys get so confused with things like:
Getting her to chase
"Flipping the script"
Sexting
Sending an original Tinder opener
While all that was really needed was to lead the conversation to a date like I explain below.
So it's true that dumb texts automatically disqualify you, but if you know what to look for it's very easy to not do those mistakes.
And being straightforward will remove most of those mistakes you could do.
If you take a guy who's great with girls, you will see that the way he texts is very simple.
Not fancy techniques, no fancy-shmancy texts.
It's almost boring to read.
The difficulty is in being able to send simple texts that make things happen without making mistakes.
Not in sending funnier, wittier, smarter texts.
Like I mentioned in my article about sending witty texts on Tinder, being fun is the cherry on top of the cake, not the whole cake.
The whole cake, the real seduction, this happens when you first meet her.
Seduce Women When You Meet Them
One of the most common mistakes I see in my coaching students is that they use texts as a way to seduce women.
You will not seduce a girl with your texts.
If you want to ask a girl out over texts, you shall do just that.
If you text a woman and you feel she is not receptive, it's not through "better texts" that you will get her.
The same way that no matter how good of a salesman you are, you can't sell a bike to someone in a wheelchair.
You can't turn around a girl who does not already like you with texts.
Texts are not here to attract, build comfort or sexual tension or whatever else.
Pro Tip: You cannot change the mind of a girl who does not like you over texts. |
Attracting a woman is done during your first encounter, or through your online profile if you met on a dating app like Tinder, Hinge or even Instagram.
If you get a woman's contact, it should be clear that you're doing so only as a bridge to see her again.
So that it just makes obvious sense when you ask her out over texts.
Because she expected it.
Texts Are Only A Bridge To See Her Again
So I know that everywhere online you see crazy advice and techniques to "get girls to like you over text".
And that's really confusing because in reality it does not work.
And on the rare occasion it does work, it would work literally 10x better if you focused on making a better first impression.
To ask a girl out over texts you have to set it up properly when you first meet her.
Let's see the best way to set up asking a girl out over texts.
Take Her Contact Only To See Her Again
For the bravest of you out there, I want to talk about when you meet a girl in public.
For example like I do in my infields, you see a girl on the street and you go approach her.
You want to make sure the conversation stays flirty and sweet.
And at some point, one of you will have to go on about their day.
At this time, you must tell her that you will take her number to meet her again.
Do not take her number without telling her that it's for the purpose of asking her out on a date.
Yes, it increases the chances she might refuse to give her contact.
But what would you do with the contact of a girl who doesn't want to see you again anyways?
EXCEPTION: If your Instagram profile is really cool, sometimes it can be worth it to take her contact even if she didn't really like your first impression. |
Bottom line, you will only text with women who are already sold on the idea of going on a date with you.
Because you're only texting with girls who you already successfully attracted.
And the only girls who will refuse a date will be girls who refuse because of things outside of your control:
Her ex came back
She's got too much work this week
Her grandma died and she's not in the mood to date
She realized you were a dating coach and she got scared 🙄🙄🙄
Okay, maybe the last one is just for me.
But that's the point: you only ask out over text girls who want you to ask them out.
And you don't need to try hard and convince girls to go out with you anymore.
Skip The Bullshit
I really like this idea of "skipping the bullshit".
Because if you understand that when you want to ask a girl out over text your messages should only lead to a date, you will avoid so many mistakes and awkward moments.
And you will stop sending shit like that:
It's pointless, nobody cares about it, it doesn't help making a date happen and...
Overall it's just awkward and childish.
Why beat around the bush like that?
It gives off the impression that the guy doesn't really know what he's doing.
That he's waiting for the girl to give him permission to ask her out and that he's afraid to make a move by himself.
This is really not attractive, so just skip the bullshit and don't text like that.
Instead, always lead towards a date.
How To Ask A Girl Out Over Text (Step By Step)
Alright now that your mind is in the right place, I will show you what's the best way to ask a girl out over text.
Because when you ask a girl out over text, yes you can be blunt and vomit a huge paragraph to ask her out at the same time you say hi...
But that's not really effective.
If you ask a girl out over text this way, I'd say you've got around an 80% chance she doesn't show up...
Because there are a lot of bad things that are conveyed if you do it that way:
You can't take your time and you're desperate.
You can't give her the opportunity to say no.
You believe she won't care enough to have a regular conversation.
Instead, you want to do the opposite way:
Increase her investment in your conversation gradually but steadily.
Give her the opportunity to test you and even play a bit difficult.
Show that you can be chill while leading towards a date.
And so to do that there's really 4 main texting steps that you have to go through once you get a girl's contact.
By the way, those steps are all explained in detail in my Texting Cheat Sheet that you can download for free on this page.
To illustrate that, here are real-life examples from a few girls I met recently.
The best part?
Even if they are different girls, you will see that the same system is used successfully for those 4 interactions.
Let's start with the very first step to ask a girl out over text.
1 - Ping Value To Engage Her In The Convo
That's probably the scariest step because here you're literally giving the girl the opportunity to ghost you.
But if she replies, you have the confirmation that she's hooked and likes you.
Here you just have to do 1 thing:
Send her a text that does not require an answer.
And if she replies to a text that did not require an answer, guess what?
It means that she wants to talk with you.
To do that it depends on the app but overall you want to comment on something that you noticed about her.
On Tinder, comment on something from her profile.
On Instagram, comment on one of her stories.
If you met in real-life, comment on something that happened during your first interaction.
It's important that you don't make it a question.
She has to have the opportunity to not reply, and comments that end with a "." instead of a "?" are way better for that.
When you ask a girl over text it's way better to start slow instead of rushing things.
It builds anticipation and gets her more excited to meet you.
2 - Keep The Conversation Going
This step is pretty easy but sometimes a bit longer.
Instead of directly asking her out, you want to increase her investment in your conversation a tiny bit first.
This will show her that you actually care about her feelings and that she's not just a "free prostitute" that you ask out bluntly whenever you're horny.
Again it's fairly simple, just have a bit of banter back and forth while saying things that will help you set up a date.
For example, you can ask her how's her weekend because then you will know whether or not she's free.
Or whether or not she has a boyfriend, why not!
And that's really what's important here: skip the bullshit.
If you ask random stuff, it has to have a point (that's helping you make a date while sharing fun).
When you ask a girl out over text remember to get to your point, but don't forget to add some banter in the process to make it smooth and natural.
3 - Push For The Idea Of A Date
Some call it a "soft close" but what it's really is proposing something and waiting to see how she feels about it.
She will feel way more comfortable, cared for, if you propose something and give her the opportunity to input something back.
Maybe you will invite her to have a drink, what if she doesn't drink?
That's why it's better to soft close when you ask a girl out over text.
By first pushing for the activity instead of rushing things, you give her the opportunity to invest in the relationship and share with you what she'd like to do too.
Most of the time girls will just agree with whatever you propose anyway, so again, very easy step.
4 - Lock Down The Logistics
Once she agreed on the activity, all you have to do is to set up the logistics.
In most cases when you ask a girl out over text you will just need to let her know the when and the where.
Maybe your when and where won't suit her, so you will have to solve objections and find a middle-ground solution.
If you're having a hard time solving logistical problems I recommend you take a look at this video in which I got a date after dealing with over 5 of her objections.
Yes, some girls really need serious hand-holding even if they are into you.
Not a problem though, when you ask a girl out over text you can't read her mind.
Propose things and be ready to adapt.
Be assertive, but mainly, be a problem solver.
Find solutions, confirm the logistics and your date is all set, GG.
Make Texting Great Again
When you ask a girl out over text, it's really not as tough as most people make it out to be.
It's very simple once you understand how to ask a girl out over text properly, you then just have to follow the proper steps.
And this article explained to you exactly how to do that.
If you're still having trouble doing so, or if you feel you're making mistakes that you cannot pinpoint, this is where I come in as a coach.
In my coaching program, I walk you through this whole process and bring an expert, objective look at your texts to tell you exactly what's holding you back.
You can book a FREE consultation call here.
See you in the next episode!
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