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So she's not here anymore. Now what?
In this article I'll tell you how to get over a breakup: get quick back on your feet, moving on happy and back into the dating pool.
We'll go over strategies to moving on & heal from all the bad-ness that comes from a breakup.
Because my girl said she loves when men are open and vulnerable.
Today we're talking about f e e l i n g s.
For reference, I've been in multiple long term relationships, my longest one now ongoing for about 7 years at the time of writing this.
So while I haven't been married for 20 years to give you "grandparents relationship advice"...
I've been over the "honeymoon" phase enough times to share how to get over a breakup and making it work with your next.
In this article we will go over:
The real reasons why it's over
Moving on and feeling good about it
How to get over a breakup and finding love again
Let's roll.
Let The Emotions Flow Through You
So I'll try to keep things serious for a while, and it's a bit hard ngl.
Because us guys are conditioned to process our emotions by ... ignoring our emotions.
For men it's difficult to know how to get over a breakup.
There's a whole debate around whether or not men should show feelings.
Quick answer: moving on is about embracing what you feel without making a big deal out of it.
Embrace What You Feel
Girls know how to get over a breakup better than men because they know how to process tough emotions.
She may be crying for hours, she may be gossiping about it with her friends for 5 days straight or she might get shitfaced at the bar and scream it all out for a whole weekend.
Girls just let it all out and then they let it go.
Do the same if you want to be moving on.
Be Vulnerable the Masculine Way
Now I don't recommend creating drama and making a big fuss out of your feelings.
It will piss off everyone around you.
Simply because if you act like a girl as a man, you will be treated as a man still, not as a girl.
I've cut a bunch of guys from my life because they just did not now how to get over a breakup without bitching about it 24/7.
If I wanted feminine behavior, I'd hang with a girl, not with a guy.
I'll say it the manly way: being vulnerable as a man doesn't mean being a whiny little bitch.
It means being stoic about what you feel and expressing it with a controlled temper.
Or in other words, be mature about your emotional pain and don't let it burden others by oversharing.
Share it with people who care about you and who are open to listen
Go on a walk, sit on a bench and reflect on what happened
If moving on and dealing with your emotions by yourself is hard it's a good sign that you can grow in this area.
Remember: controlling your emotions is paramount to attract women and keep them in a relationship.
If you want to find love again you need to learn to do this now.
You're Moving On Now
So it's over. And if it's over it's probably because you tried to fix things and that didn't pan out.
I'll tell you how to get over a breakup by being very Machiavellian about it.
You guys broke up.
Was it worth fixing?
Did you guys both try to fix it?
Did it work?
If you can't answer yes to all these questions, you must be moving on and never consider resuming that relationship with her.
Sometimes there are relationships that fail and it's not your fault at all.
But fixing it is out of your control - and that's okay.
For example I've had serious exes coming back in my life after years of no contact...
Only to realize that I've had fixed my issues but they didn't.
(And funnily enough, those are often the people who claim "they've changed so much" lol)
You can't do anything to help people who don't want to help themselves.
So for now you'll be actually moving on.
Cut contact with her and remove all that could remind you of her.
Life is too short to try being in relationships that don't work.
Find these that work instead.
There will be more after her, you will be finding love again.
What if I want to Get Back with Her?
You should know that while you can get your ex back, if you want the relationship to succeed it won't happen overnight.
Often, making it work with your ex requires a serious period of no contact.
And this period is long enough for you to stop caring about her by the time it's over anyway...
That's why it's better in most case to just be moving on.
Just giving you proper perspective here.
I know that if you miss her this is not what you want to hear.
But I'm not here to tell you what you want to hear, I'm here to tell you what you need to hear.
The best way to get back with your ex is to fix what went wrong.
To do that you need:
Strong introspection
Figuring out how to handle your emotions in a different way
Improving your communication & social skills
And these things take time.
They take months or years, not a few days.
It's a deep topic so I'll give you the long story short.
If your relationship failed it's either that:
She has problems you can't fix that she needs to figure out herself
You have problems you need time to fix
(or both)
People seem to often overlook that fact:
A good relationship needs both parties to be emotionally and logistically ready.
If you need to be finding love again, that is not enough to make it work.
If you want to go deeper, read on the concept of co-dependency in relationships.
Figure Out What Went Wrong
So now that you're clear about your immediate future (one without her in it), it's time to look back on what went wrong.
Getting over a breakup and moving on requires you to understand that breakup.
Ask yourself this:
What did I do or not do that led to the relationship not working out?
What will I do in the future to prevent it from happening?
I know it's basic introspection, but asking yourself these is really necessary before moving on if you're interested in finding love again.
You Just Need Feedback Here
Your goal right now is moving on, we're just going to take into account the feedback and experience from that relationship that didn't pan out.
Finding love again starts from within, don't forget that you need to be in a good place before meeting somebody else who's in a good place too.
And only then the both of you can create something good.
But for now, you simply need to realize whether or not you are in that good place yourself.
Take it as the necessary break and self-inspection before moving on and getting back at it, hard.
Moving On, Feeling Good, Life is Great
When I asked myself how to get over a breakup, one of the things that helped me the most go through tense emotional times in life is mindfulness.
If you're new to this concept, it's basically a state of mind in which you don't worry about nothing past or future, and just enjoy what is immediately around you right now.
Want to know how to get over a breakup?
Well, not thinking about what-ifs and what-could-have-beens 24/7 is a great start.
Mindfulness meditation is a meditation practice that helps a ton with that.
I recommend you look into it and even grab that book called The Power of Now from Eckhart Tolle if you want moving on.
Neediness is Your Enemy
So I know you want to be finding love again.
And so right now your biggest difficulty is going to be scarcity.
Scarcity of sex, scarcity of company, scarcity of affection, etc.
You had these non-stop all-you-can-eat for a while, suddenly all gone.
And the big problem with scarcity is that it makes men needy.
Being needy is literally the single worst possible thing you can do when meeting women. It's that need for female attention and validation that you must avoid at all costs. |
Moving on means you will need to learn how to be single and "alone" again.
Stay hopeful because the hardest part here is the transition.
In 2-3 weeks from now you will adjust to the new routine and feel great again.
Finding love again may seem super hard right now, but if you decide on moving on for real, in a month from now things will feel way better.
The Trap of Loneliness
Notice how I mentioned being alone and not lonely.
Because being alone is a fact, but being lonely is a state of mind.
And right now you need to do all that's in your power to not fall into loneliness.
Because this leads to neediness, and then to even less date options.
That's why you really need to be moving on.
It's a vicious cycle.
Being clear with the fact you're moving on from your ex is the first step out of that cycle.
Below are the next ones.
Break Free of the Cycle
Moving on & taking action will help you stay non-needy.
Because if you're focused enough on something, you won't have the mental energy to feel bad for yourself.
If you want to know how to get over a breakup, the first step is getting out of your way.
If you stay home alone doing nothing you will 100% stay depressed.
So make sure to focus on things that will help you moving on.
I know it doesn't make logical sense when you're in a bad state of mind.
When you feel depressed you don't want to do anything.
You feel "what's the point", etc.
But this is your brain feeding you bullshit. You need to change your emotional state.
The hardest part is to force yourself to start doing something.
Once you show up, things get easier, and eventually you'll be finding love again.
I'll show you below how to best restart yourself.
You're Taking Control Back Now
You are going to focus on yourself in a way that is useful in moving on.
You don't need a spiritual retreat to Ko Pha-ngan with all the other hippies.
You need to do meaningful things that will both heal your mind and make you a better you.
The benefits of moving on are double here:
You keep your mind busy so that you don't become depressed
You work on yourself to be even better in your next relationships
Because maybe now things may seem gloom but trust me there is 100% a way to finding love again and a perfect relationship.
It's just that this far you haven't found the right tools and strategies.
Let's change that!
Go Lift Weights Bro
Normal people will tell you that moving on means to focus on your hobbies.
But normal people mostly don't have good relationships so you shouldn't listen to them.
Here's how to get over a breakup from a pickup & dating coach:
You need to focus on hobbies that will make you a more attractive man.
Because trust me bro, spending 8 hours a day playing video games is a great hobby, but that won't help you moving on from a breakup.
Been there, done that.
Not saying you can't have hobbies, but they should not be your main focus right now.
If your goal is finding love again, you don't need distractions, you need to rebuild your self-confidence.
Lifting weights will do just that: you will look better and feel more confident.
If you don't know where to start, we have a comprehensive section related to fitness in the VIP Mastermind group - go check it out.
Meet New People
You're not going to start dating again just yet.
Getting over a breakup does not mean chain-band-aid-dating.
For now you will make new friends.
You can see the old ones too, but often there's a heavy emotional baggage attached to old friendships after a breakup.
Important: If you live in a remote place with almost nobody around there's no beating around the bush. If your goal is to meet people, you need to move out to a big city. |
Moving on after a breakup, putting yourself out there and meeting new people will have you work on your social skills again in a relaxed environment.
Then these new people might introduce other new people to you, etc.
This will restart your social circle.
And it's extremely easy to do:
Join meetups.
Seriously, they are incredible at meeting new people.
If you go there with the mindset of "meeting new faces" without expectations, you will have a blast.
Go on meetup.com and sign up for 2 events in your city this week (and actually go there).
Start Flirting Again
It's time to get over your breakup for real now.
You're moving on, you've got your newfound confidence and a few new friends, it is time.
It can take 1 week to 1 month when done right, past that you should start considering new dating prospects.
Flirting is pretty much the core of all the advice you will find in this blog and through my coaching.
But as someone who's just back into the game after a breakup, focus on the following things:
Do not get into a relationship for at least the next 6 months
Keep working on yourself, keep making new friends
Pay extra attention to not acting needy around new women
Take all chances you get to approach attractive women
If you're not sure how to get over a breakup on your own and do these, you can schedule a free consultation call with me here.
If you want to find love again you must not make the same mistakes again.
All Things Considered
If you just had a bad breakup, you could be moving on within the next 3-5 weeks.
Moving on is not easy but with the right tools you can start dating again.
You just need to know how to get over a breakup in a healthy way.
Finding love again takes some focus and introspection though, and I hope this article gave you the keys you needed to moving on.
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