I’m going to give you a top 10 of what you have to put in practice to get a better dating life than 95% of the male population.
It’s not necessarily hard, it’s all about doing the right things the right way.
1. Approach every woman that you find attractive
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”
Think about it for a second. How different would your dating life be if you tried to start a conversation with just 10 new attractive women every week?
It’s true that you will miss a lot of the shots you take still, but it doesn’t matter because you do not need to develop a relationship with every girl you meet.
You just need to find one to “find one”.
2. Learn how to make small talk
Most of the dating tips you will see online will either try to teach you “seduction gambits” or “love yourself” advice.
In practice, those won’t be of any use if you don’t have a base ground for most of your conversations. That’s what small talk is for.
You generally want to start by talking about light and superficial topics with people you just meet and then figure out ways to inquire more about themselves.
Talking about the weather and such might seem boring but it’s a necessary evil to put people you just met at ease, before diving into more personal topics.
3. Have more engaging conversations
Girls despise the police interrogation style conversations. If your conversations follow a pattern of “Topic A, Topic B, Topic C, Topic D, etc” it’s obvious to her that you’re nervous and trying too hard to figure out things to say.
As soon as you see your conversation falling in such pattern you immediately want to throw in jokes, or literally anything that will make her feel an emotion, positive or negative, anything will be better than boredom.
Another tip to have engaging conversations and find things to talk about easy is to ask the woman you’re talking to about herself, and then building on whatever her answer was.
4. Figure out whether you like her instead of trying to have her like you
Another tool to help you making conversation : you are very much entitled and encouraged to ask her questions to figure whether she’s the kind of girl you like!
The benefit is double :
She will notice that you’re not blindly hitting on any girl but that you do actually have standards, implying that if she doesn’t meet those standards you could walk away.
She will try to meet those standards if she likes you.
On top of that, trying to figure “whether she is a good date candidate” is a smooth and subtle way to let her know you are interested in her.
5. Put basic grooming habits in practice
Looks do not matter that much as long as you have the basics down. Luckily it’s quite simple to make sure you have those basics, it usually comes down to whether or not you put some effort into it (your common sense does the rest).
In practice that means shower daily, shave cleanly, make sure your hair isn’t greasy and that you don’t have unkept hairs growing out everywhere. Cut your nails cleanly and iron your clothes. Brush your teeth twice a day and use deodorant.
The first impression matters, if the first thing a woman sees is a clean and sharp-looking guy you’ll score a lot of points right of the bat.
6. Take care of yourself
Taking care of yourself really isn’t as hard as people make it out to be, very often it’s just about finding the confidence to have a good look at yourself and what you can improve.
Common sense and a bit of trial and error is way enough to figure out how to get a nice fashion and life style. Don’t be afraid to try new things!
In practice that means putting effort in yourself. It’s very important that you invest on yourself first before asking a women to do so.
It also means spending time choosing and buying clothes and figuring out a nice hairstyle, trying out what works and what doesn’t. Trust your judgement! It’s way good enough, as long as you put some thoughts in it and are able to self-criticize you’ll do just fine.
And in case you didn’t know it yet, time spent at the gym and eating better food is never wasted :)
7. Getting rejected is necessary and will happen
Think about anyone you know who is doing business, or any sales person you’ve ever known.
Maybe they once proposed their product to you because they thought it could be useful. Turns out you were not that interested. No big deal! It doesn’t mean their product sucks, turns out it just wasn’t a good fit.
That’s how you should feel about being rejected by a women you like.
It’s not personal.
Most likely you cannot be the one for every girl you meet, as every girl you meet cannot be the one for you. You will have to go through some rejections until you find a good match. Trying to avoid rejections means avoiding the potential good match.
8. If nothing works, ask yourself the right questions
I’ve been coaching people for a while now and I know it’s hard on the ego to look at what we might be doing wrong, especially for men above 35 who already have strongly anchored habits and behaviors.
It’s really hard to have a clear look at ourselves from an objective standpoint and figure out clearly what we’re doing wrong. That’s why I recommend guys who want a serious change to get coached on that.
What you want to do is to notice and figure out exactly where lies the fault. Maybe you’re hesitating too much before kissing girls, maybe you’re too nervous and girls sense it, maybe you do not notice subtle conversational cues, etc.
Ask yourself the right questions and make the appropriate change!
9. You come from a place of giving
It has a lot to do with how confident you are in yourself (and how much you invested in yourself) but instead of thinking that you can “get” a girl, you should instead focus on what you can “give” to people.
Instead of focusing on what techniques will “get” the girl to sleep with you, you want to focus on ways to “give” her a great time with you.
This doesn’t mean that you should not try to have sex or form a relationship for example, it instead means that you want to share a good time while leading to your objective instead of manipulating someone to get to your goals.
Be totally engaged in the process, but totally detached from the outcome. This will paradoxically increase the amount of sex and relationships you get.
10. You are a man on his path
I can’t stress enough how important it is to be passionate about something. Anything will do just right, as long as you have a burning desire to go and get it.
This driving force is extremely attractive to women as they are strongly attracted to a man with a purpose.
Think of it as a child reading an engaging book, dying to figure out what happens next. You have to be the main protagonist of that engaging book, having girls hooked on what you will do next to get to the end of your adventure.
Be it building a business, winning a championship, crafting your own working automobile out of stick matches, recruiting and leading a competitive DotA team… Being grounded in your own reality will have women follow you to the end of the world.
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