COMFORT - Have Women Trust You
Updated: Nov 2
Put yourself in this situation. Some stranger that you don't know is telling you that he will give you a pack of bills if you follow him in a dark alley because that's where his bag is. You'd like to get that free easy money but you don't know him at all.
Do you trust that guy? I don't.
Now, same guy, but you spend three hours hanging out with him playing pool, bantering and having drinks. He starts looking a bit more like a normal cool dude.
Same guy again, but he's actually from your hometown and he works in the same field as you do. Do you trust him more? Finally, you realize that this guy is actually your brother's friend. What a small world! Do you trust him now? Probably yes.
A girl meeting an attractive man will face the same situation of "can I trust this guy?".
Except that the anxiety will be there times a hundred.
You see, for girls, meeting a stranger implies way more risks than there are for a man meeting a stranger.
Outside of the possibility of getting mugged, physically hurt (while having less muscle mass to defend themselves), women are also at risk of getting raped, getting pregnant, having to consider abortion, getting slut shamed, losing her social status and reputation (this one is huge), creating drama and jealousy, etc.
That kind of scary.
In short, having sex is more hazardous for women.
For this very reason you want to make sure that you're able to build trust and relatability with the women you're interested in. You want to make sure that they know that you're an actual sane guy and not an axe murderer. Having the ability to show that clearly and quickly is very valuable and I'll teach you how in this article.
HOW TO BUILD COMFORT EXPLAINED
The importance of being parts of the same world
We tend to trust people that we relate to. If your best friend introduces someone to you, you're most likely to trust this person more than if that same person just walked up to you by themselves. Why? Because you're part of the same tribe. Of the same world.
That's the whole referral thing in sales, you trust people that are trusted by those you trust.
But showing someone that you're part of the same world goes deeper than that.
If you're in the same industry as someone, for example if you meet models and you're a model photographer, instant comfort.
If you're a DJ and you meet a club promoter. If you're an art student and you meet another art student. Etc, etc.
Being part of the same world shows that you "get it". You already know parts of the struggles of that person you're talking to, this instantly creates empathy and trust.
Being part of the same world also gives girl another reason why they should be with you. If you're part of the same tribe it's just natural for you guys to be together.
The importance of figuring out commonalities
For this very reason, when you meet a woman that you like you should figure out commonalities fast (or have her realize that you have things in common if you're more advanced).
Commonalities build tremendous amounts of comfort between you and a girl, or just any person you're meeting anyways.
This just helps furthering the vibe of you guys being a part of the same world, on top of giving you a ton of common things to talk about.
To figure out commonalities is not that hard. Throw out different topics until you see something that clicks because it's relatable to her. Once you find that common ground, keep digging.
A more advanced approach would have to have her notice by herself that there is a commonality, but that's for another article. For now, you should know that finding commonalities is basically "building relationships 101". If you're not already doing it, do more of it.
The importance of being safe to be around
On a more basic level you don't want to be putting her in dangerous situations.
You could do that pro-actively by having a dangerous behavior (doing illegal and/or stupid things to impress her) or passively by not being able to deal with life when it comes at you (getting led into bad situations by other people). But you don't want to do that. Because women don't stay around men who behave that way.
You want to be strong and solid, believing in yourself and mastering your immediate environment enough for her to feel safe around you.
You also don't want to have her be afraid of you. If you have anger issues or can't control your drug intake for example. Anything that makes you dangerously unstable will repel women.
While some women might be attracted by an overly aggressive man at first because it shows safety, they will very quickly notice how dangerous that kind of unstable behavior is on the long term.
As a side note, women are often attracted to guys that do what I like to call "dumb fucking shit". For example driving a bike just wearing a t-shirt and no helmet, dealing drugs, picking up fights at your local bar and so on.
A man displaying this behavior gives the impression to be in some ways superior because he's able to live this dangerous life style and still be alive. From an evolutionary and survival standpoint this is a win. But that's a temporary illusion. The flip side is that no one stays a drug dealer for long, and the exit door is jail, or worse.
The importance of being able to deal with scary situations
Women want a man who can lead and protect them in tense situations. I know this is not politically correct again, but we are here for results aren't we? Can't fight our primal caveman times behavior heh.
If we take the example from the beginning of the article again, if you're sure that the person leading you in that dark alley can and will protect you from anything that might happen, you're more likely to go with that person.
If you can show women you hang out with that whenever they are with you they can feel safe and protected, that's going to create both attraction and comfort. A woman might be reluctant to go through a scary situation with you, but getting through that scary situation thanks to you will create enormous amounts of comfort and attraction.
Example scenario: If you talk to a girl and a beggar comes and creeps her out, you have to be able to handle the situation without losing your shit.
I'm not talking here about being possessive though don't get me wrong. Don't be vindictive and territorial. But be able to deal with situations as they come up. Be the problem solver because problem solvers attract people.
The importance of not judging her for having sex fast
Other big factor that's linked to the myriad of risks related to having sex with guys come the high probability that she will be judged and slut shamed if she's having sex with guys. You have to nurture a carefree mindset.
Your first mission if you plan on having sex with a lot of girls is to make sure that there won't be any bad consequences. Basically, she needs to know that you won't go around town telling everyone that you easily had sex with her.
You want to show her that for you sex isn't a big deal, it's a fun thing that's part of life and that both of you can enjoy. If it doesn't happen, no big deal either. But you definitely won't ruin her reputation because she opened her legs.
You want to cultivate this carefree vibe, not only regarding sex. And show her that it's a part of your philosophy. The more she knows she won't get judged for having sex with you, the faster it will happen.
The more she feels it's a big deal for you, the more resistance there will be.
The importance of qualifying her
The last girl I've been with told me this interesting thing. We were discussing how easy it is for girls to meet new men.
While I was arguing that girls just have to ask for sex and men would say yes, she told me that only men that are neither attractive nor really interested in her would say yes.
The underlying idea there is that women do not want a guy who will just come for the sex, fuck them and disappear.
I've made a video about that a while ago, women need a real reason as to why you like them. Sex in itself is not enough for most women, even the very horny ones. No one likes to be treated as a sex object, to be used and then disposed.
You really have to swallow that pill : easy sex at the snap of a finger with totally new strangers does not happen in real life. At least not for free. And I don't recommend hookers.
It happens on rare occasions, sure. With drunk girls, desperately horny girls who will tell you to fuck off once sex is over or very lonely girls who are most often than not very low quality women (I’m talking about very fat or ugly women with no better options). Sorry not sorry for being real for a second.
Now sex can happen very quick, for sure, but you have to make sure to do this :
You want to let the girl know that you like her because she has X,Y or Z qualities that you found out by talking with her. Something else than because you want to have sex.
The bar doesn’t even have to be high, enjoying the conversation with her is enough to qualify her. Finding her funny is enough to qualify her. Force yourself to find something interesting in her.
PS. You might ask yourself where this concept of "comfort" stands among the rest of the seduction theory you've read so far. Having women trust you only without any attraction will actually lower your chances at starting a relationship with them or even have sex.
It is very important that you balance this by applying correctly the principles of male-to-female attraction that I talk about in another article.
PSS. If you'd like to get personally mentored by me on ways to have girls open up emotionally to you and create real trust and meaningful connections between you and the hotties you're talking to, you can reach out to me HERE.