Your very First Steps to learn Picking Up girls
Updated: Oct 25
"I want to learn Game! I want to understand how to get girls!" you thought, as you feverishly typed "how to learn seduction" on Google.
And then you got bombarded by one million different sites, the higher they were ranked in the page, the sketchier they looked.
I remember when I first did the exact same, I went with the first result which turned out to be some lame washed down French outdated "seduction" website. And a few months later I started reading another one daily because I was so desperate for solutions.
While it gave me a good base to develop on considering I was at the time 15 and sex and relationships were quite taboo in the household, those websites still sucked ass. I'm not going to throw names but those were very bad, focusing on small point of details to get clicks and who effectively landed me 0 girlfriends.
If you feel that all the time you spent browsing on the internet gave you similar results (aka none), read on.
Eventually, I started watching French infields of a man actually going up and seducing strangers on the streets of Paris and those videos blew my mind. It was amazing and inspiring.
Soon after, I discovered Real Social Dynamics (rip) and finally EVERYTHING STARTED TO MAKE SENSE.
The thing is that they actually explained fundamentals, on top of having very cool YouTube channels with tons of infields. Good stuff. Don't look for it, they deleted everything and shifted industry now. Instead, keep reading 😉.
I'm telling you all this because if you're reading this article you're most likely a beginner trying hard to learn success with women and you have no clue where to start.
While I do have a Game manifesto that I go over with my students, that talks about everything you have to know theory-wise, it's 11 pages long, really dense stuff, and I can't summarize it all in a single blog article.
Here I want to share the fundamentals. The big things that you have to master and understand, first and foremost.
I'll make sure not to talk about mindsets in this article, but I'd say they are very important if you're in this for the long run (which you should be).
Today we talk theory. Game theory.
ATTRACTION vs COMFORT
Attraction makes a girl like you and want to fuck you and have you raise her kids. It peeks her interest level. It's biological. It's psychological. It's animal. It is not a choice. Either she is attracted or she is not.
You only have as much attraction capital as you're able to display. If you can't show that you're an attractive man, girls will assume that you aren't.
Outer Game is being able to show that you have the qualities of the attraction (or being able to fake them).
Inner Game is actually having the qualities of Attraction.
The more you display attractive qualities, the more a girl will feel attraction towards you. The more you display that you don't have attractive qualities, the more she will be repelled by you.
Comfort is what makes a girl feel good around you. If there is only attraction but no comfort, girls won't feel good about having sex with you and going home with you. If there is no comfort they won't trust you or even consider that you guys should be together.
Comfort is everything that does just that : show her that she can trust you and that you guys should be together (for whatever reason).
Now comes the funny part. Generally, comfort lowers attraction, and attraction lowers comfort.
Time spent together increases comfort.
(some behaviors create attraction and comfort but it's a more advanced concept)
Girl won't have sex with you until attraction and comfort levels reached a certain threshold (which is different for every girl).
So technically, you need to manage the comfort and attraction balance for long enough until she's comfortable to let sex happen.
THE SEDUCTION MODEL
First explained and popularized in the Mystery Method, this model or some variant of it is what every coach in the world is using and teaching. And it baffles me to see that so many guys who are in the game for months or years still don't know about it, which means that they basically have no idea what they are doing.
The best way to lead a flirty interaction from strangers to lovers, from start to finish, from "hello" to "my bed sheets smell like you ♥️" is as follows.
1. Attraction, when first meeting her
2. Comfort, when you have 1on1 time to get to know each others
3. Sexy time, when you're in a place and time where the sex can happen
The order is extremely important. You do not want to start by being friendly (= creating comfort). You have to start by creating attraction. And all 3 steps are mandatory.
Only once she shows interesting behavior to you should you create comfort, figure out commonalities, show her that you are part of the "same world", etc.
In real life it means that you will meet a girl, display strong boundaries, be socially savvy, share value and only if she tries to show you that she is interesting and interested you will move to creating comfort, finding commonalities, etc.
And only once she's comfortable enough with you will you try to make a move towards sex.
A CLEAR BODY LANGUAGE
The fact that you're honestly and genuinely trying to engage with her should be obvious. You're clear in your intent and it shows. 80% of communication is non-verbal.
What it means is that you might be saying "I love you" to someone but if you do it without looking that person in the eyes, your body turned away and with a very low, unengaged voice tonality, that person will know that you don't really mean it.
Here are the things that you want to make sure you're doing when talking to a girl (and people in general) to ensure clear and honest communication :
- Look at them in the eyes. Be the last one to break eye contact, always.
- Stand straight. If you're having trouble doing so because you sit in front of the computer all day, go to the gym and do back exercises.
- Speak loudly and with assertiveness. Your voice should stand out and go through the person you're talking to. If you feel you're already speaking loud enough, speak LOUDER.
That was a bunch of nerd theory ain't it? I personally like to see it as applied socio-behavioral study.
Or rather, applied social dynamics. Now comes the applied part. Go out and practice. Those theoretical concepts don't make any sense by themselves. They are here to guide men who are already talking to a lot of women. They are not supposed to guide men BEFORE they start taking action.
The theory here is supposed to guide you once you already started, once you're in the middle of actively approaching women.
By the way, if you've never done that before, I made a video especially for you, to get over the anxiety of approaching women in public places. You can watch it by clicking here.
If you're not approaching women yet, go do it. Do it ten times at least before comparing what is said in this article to what your real life experience is. And then do it ten times more. Eventually, I will all start coming together.
If you're looking to get more guidance on approaching women in public places you can reach out to me directly to get personally mentored, or download the free eBook I wrote on approaching women everywhere.