Why is the right way to get girls kept secret?
Updated: Nov 24, 2020
Following up my previous article about why society doesn't want you to become a great seducer.
Technically, no one is holding the way to get girls hidden in a secret box. It's there, in front of you, but lost among a ton of bad and vague information.
The problem is that very often the most visible information is also the most useless. It's still relevant, sure, but it's made to appeal to so many different people that it has lost all of its substance.
The actual useful information, on the other hand, is scarce, rare and often polarizing.
They say that to be an "expert" you need to be better than 95% of the people doing the same thing. This is extremely easy to do as most people dabble. And most importantly, I do believe that most people giving advice do not even have that level.
Let's take the example of dating. How many of those internet gurus, magazine editors and blog writers do go out and even dare to approach women in public places? Well I do, and when I read what they preach, I'm pretty sure they don't. More on that below.
That's why people pay expert coaches hundreds, thousands of dollars, and their mainstream magazine just a couple of bucks. Real, result-getting, field-tested, actionable information is rare.
Yes, that kind of rare.
The roots of all mediocrity
Yesterday I was browsing reddit and someone asked a great question. Guess what, his post got downvoted and he got insulted in the comments because "how dare you ask such a question, you're a terrible person".
His question was nothing terrible. It was well thought and made remarkable points. But those points were nuances. The question was "am I right to think that women like an assertive man instead of a man who is asking for her opinion all the time, real experience seems to back that up?".
And so he immediately got insulted by people who didn't get the nuances in that question, and that made me quite sad because what could have been a breakthrough for this guy was immediately shut down by the masses.
When most people see that question they will immediately associate assertive men to abusive men (lack of nuances numero 1) because what does assertive really mean? It's complicated, it can mean many things.
To make sure we'd have to open a dictionary and ain't nobody got time for that but "I once met a man who I think was assertive and I didn't feel good so being assertive is bad". Lost in nuances.
When most people see that question they can also think that a man who doesn't ask women for their opinion first is selfish (lack of nuances numero 2) because nice people listen to others, right?
What does it even mean to be nice? Is it really useful in dating? "Well, I guess, I don't know, I mean being mean is not good so, huuhhh" and boom, lost in nuances again.
See, most people cannot deal with nuances. Society is a pyramid and some very smart and successful few people are at the top, and the masses are down there below. Not judging, it’s a matter of fact.
Not judging either because it’s definitely possible to educate yourself and rise through the pyramid. And here is the difference, because most people will never take the time to educate themselves and try to understand the nuances that would allow them to go up the social pyramid.
“Do I get girls? No? Oh, that’s probably because I’m not handsome/rich. But I don't get it, my friend is ugly and his wife is hot as fuck?!”.
That’s the kind of thinking I'm talking about. It’s merely just scrapping the surface of the problem. Yes, looks and money play a role, but it’s more nuanced than that. It’s not because it is not apparently obvious that there isn’t more to it.
The problem with that kind of thinking is that it prevents you from improving, and limits you to the apparently obvious on a very basic level. If you listen to the mainstream and the masses, you stay mediocre because all that there is to it is already there, laid out, and you can't do anything about it.
"I'm not rich white and handsome, no wonder I don't get a girlfriend"
"I like video games and computers, so I guess I'm never dating a cheerleader"
"I'm just a small town boy, how can I date foreign models?"
"People in high school said I'm not smart, so I can't get a smart girl to like me"
This kind of over-simplifying of everything is insidious on so many levels, and that's the stem of crappy limiting beliefs and self-confidence issues.
What if I'm not handsome then, no girls for me? What if I'm Indian in the US, no girls for me? What if I come from a poor family, no girls for me? What if I'm not outgoing and loud, no girls for me?
That's just not the truth. There probably is someone in those situations who had it even worse and who made it through. The mainstream just helps in finding excuses to stay mediocre and that's why I believe it's highly toxic.
Instead of conforming to what society seems to be telling you, start listening to people who already have the kinds of results that you want. Then start experimenting by yourself until you find what works for you, and become unstoppable.
Here is a painful example of how useless mainstream advice is :
I typed in the google search bar “how to get a girlfriend”. Then I clicked on the top result. Here is the kind of bullshit washed-down advice I found.
“Women seduce with their body language, look for signs of her playing with her hair”
“Be funny and make the conversation light hearted”
“Don’t play games, however do maintain an air of mystery”
Could you do more fucking vague than that?
This reminds me of an old internet joke that I have now the pleasure to share with you :
Point is, telling someone who is shy and who doesn't understand how to talk with women to "be confident" is useless and lazy.
No one is going to have any kind of life change after this. But no one is going to disagree either, so while this didn't help the reader, it kept him long enough to see the ads on the side. What a genius business plan.
That kind of surface thinking just leaves you confused if you actually care about figuring out a solution. The problem is that most people dishing out this surface level advice do not care about actually solving your problems.
And not only fully mainstream publications get washed down. Even niche information gets washed down by lazy editors. When I started learning about success with women, the biggest website at the time in my country was “teaching” about the utter importance of having a good fashion style and touching girls. Wow, that’s deep, definitely helpful and totally unheard of.
Double and triple check your sources, and always go and test for yourself what you see. If you don't, you're at great risk to stay mediocre.
How to know if the information you're looking at is legit or not? If it's vague, it's useless. And most importantly, it makes no difference to your life whatsoever, if you missed it your life would have been totally the same.
Here is another example, just for the lolz, of how useless asking strangers for their opinion is, directly from Reddit after someone asked how to get better at flirting :
Thank you kind stranger. That was definitely helpful. Someone even upvoted that.
This article became a little bit of a rant as I was writing, because I’d love everyone to be the best amazing version of themselves and not cry themselves to sleep. Maybe it's just me, maybe I'm a bit of an asshole for refusing mediocrity and passivity in the face of adversity. Maybe I'm delusional and an idealist. What can I do, I'm an EFNJ.
But when I see how great ideas are suppressed by the masses for being “unconventional” (understand different and complex) it pisses me off.
That being said, can we live in a society without the mainstream?
In an ideal world there would be only huge manly Viking-looking men walking around, spending all their time maximizing every thing in their lives, each going their own way (probably to chop trees or fight bears bare handed).
(Or dance to techno music)
But that's not realistic.
Nature always finds the path of least resistance. And living outside of the pack all the time is hard, tiring and dangerous. This is not for everyone, the extreme version of this would mean becoming a Machiavellian sociopath. And you don’t have to do it to live a more than comfortable life nowadays.
Personally, I went that way because I’m way too much of an idealist and I have huge problems dealing with authority. What can I do? I'm an ENFJ. Any other kind of life would be less acceptable to me.
Though some parts of me still fully follow the mainstream. For example I like to go to the gym, but I’m not invested enough in it to care about supplements and so on. Maybe I should, but my focus is somewhere else right now because my fitness level is at an acceptable level.
And that’s really how I want to end this article. Whatever floats your boat is just fine. As long as you’re truly happy in it. As long as you’re 100% sure that what you’re doing is the best you could be doing right now, with the knowledge you have right now.
Something that’s unbearable to me (like having a boss) could be acceptable to you in the sense that you wouldn’t care much. And that’s just fine.
What’s not fine though, is putting up with things you hate and hoping that eventually you’ll get used to it enough so it doesn’t bother you that much. That’s not right.
Having mediocre girlfriends is not right. Having friends that put you down is not right. Going to sleep feeling sad, depressed and hopeless every night is not right. No matter your personality, those are things that you have to change, no matter what the people around you tell you, no matter what society tells you.
If you’re ready to swim against the current and climb the pyramid of mediocrity, get better results with women and finally live the life that you want, you can book a 1on1 coaching call with me for free here.