What you can learn from my sticking points
This article is about my biggest breakthroughs in learning social dynamics. Point is not to talk about me (even though I do really love it) but more about sharing my experience as I'm sure you guys can do what I did to solve your problems and break through your sticking points.
I've always felt I was super super close from making huge improvements in Game, going for longs periods without growing and having no idea why only to level up extremely fast in the span of a few weeks every time.
(Btw that's why getting a coach is important, so you don't have to spend forever figuring out your sticking points and how to deal with them)
I had to figure out by myself my sticking points.
I will explain them in detail later but for me the biggest ones were those :
- Being a needy soy boy
- Not being able to hold tension
- Not being able to do small talk
- Having a huge ass ego
- Not approaching enough when going out
- Not approaching hot and impressive girls
General calibration comes over time, but those specific sticking points were clear level up in my game, there was a Before and an After for each of those.
The funny thing with each of those sticking points is that before breaking through you feel it's impossible to do so, and right after breaking through you feel that it was actually so natural to do and you have no idea how and why you couldn't do it before.
I'd say the fear of the unknown plays a big big role there.
But you have to trust your capacity to adapt and evolve. It's possible to do so, you just didn't figure out how just yet, so of course your brain can't comprehend a reality in which you're able to do what those sticking points prevent you to do.
I'd like to share my experience on busting through those sticking points for those who find themselves in the situation I used to be in.
or The self-actualized man's quest
Being a needy soy boy
I don't mean to share the story of my life (it will be for another time, I promise) but I have to say that, growing up, whenever I was in a group, I always felt out of place.
Generally, I always felt out of place whenever I wasn't the center of attention. I would awkwardly avoid staying in groups before and after class in university because I would feel so out of place if I wasn't talking or being talked to. Finish class, go home, play video games, think about that pretty girl in class I would never be able to talk to, repeat.
Before I even started cold approaching, the very first issue I had to fix was this one : why did I feel so out of place whenever I was in a social setting.
What helped me the most there was figuring out and understanding that I needed attention badly. I was extremely needy and attention seeking, not out of necessity, but because of the way I was raised. Micro-managing my behavior step by step helped me a lot to get out of this. Whenever I'd see myself act needy, I'd take notice of it and modify my behavior until it became a new habit.
Not being able to hold tension
Coming straight from the previous point, I could not stand staying around people when I was not talking or being talked to. For some weird reason my brain would think that when I was not talking, I was useless and uninteresting.
In those situations I'd either be talking or ejecting myself from the interaction whatsoever.
It goes without saying that it was extremely hard for me to build sexual tension, and most of the time it happened, knowing what I know now, it happened because silences were due to me taking time to think of things to say to look cool.
There the advice is simple. Just stfu.
Not being able to do small talk
Related to the previous point as well, because I wouldn't hold tension and never stop talking, I was a stupid dancing monkey, most of the time completely unrelatable to new girls I'd meet. Even for night game, I was too unrelatable, can you imagine that?
I remember this painful one time when a girl who was stunningly hot approached me and asked me if I was having fun, and because I was too nervous to have a normal conversation I said "yeah look!" and I started breakdancing to show her how fun I was. She tried twice more to have a nice conversation before sighing very loudly and leaving.
Again what helped me was to notice that this behavior was the problem, find a solution and drill that solution until it became natural.
Some of my favorite exercises to practice were free association exercises. I remember for one month taking 10 minutes everyday to talk, alone, in front of a camera or a mirror, just free associating, improvising and bouncing off the previous things I'd say. Good times.
That's also when I learned that people like to talk about themselves and that no one cares about me. Which brings us, again, to the next point.
Having a huge ass ego
On the marvelous journey of self-discovery that is learning Game and success with women, my next problem was that I was still needy and attention seeking in the sense that I was living to feed my ego. The conversations always had to be about me or I wouldn't enjoy it or run out of things to say.
Problem : no one gives a fuck about me. Not to be taken personally, but people who don't know me yet, they really have better things to care about than me me me silly me.
Solution : I learned to have people talk about them mainly. It's 100% them, 0% me, unless they find value in talking about me.
There I managed to improve by reading books on ego management (Ego is the enemy by Ryan Holiday is one of my favorite books, you can read more about it here) and basically drilling making people talk about them. When you see it works and girls start loving you just because you make them talk about themselves, this is the beginning of the end for your ego.
Nowadays I find some twisted pleasure I having people more and more interested in me by focusing on being interested in them first, instead of directly trying to have them be interested in me.
Not approaching enough when going out
Another massive one, before I used to go out and be picky, maybe approaching 3 girls in an afternoon. Then I started going out with wings (find yourself wings btw, it makes learning game 10x easier and faster, especially now with Game Global) and one day I saw this guy approach 20 girls within an hour when we were in a mall in China. It blew my mind and I knew that I needed to step up my game.
There isn't much else to say there. If you're committed to learn Game, you gotta approach. And if you dabble and approach 3 girls when going out, you aren't really committed.
Not approaching hot and impressive girls
Somehow for so many years I was carrying this stupid high-school mindset that I wasn't part of the cool kids who get the hot girls and that therefore I wasn't entitled to date hot girls.
I've had slept with over 200 chicks (I really have no idea, I stopped counting in 2017 and at the time it was around 120) and I was still super scared to approach 9 and 10s, so much that I would just not do it at all.
I'm not gonna lie, super attractive girls are still impressive in a sense, but the difference is that now I go for it and shoot my shot.
What helped me go through that was another wing, who told me that I didn't need to be warmed up to approach models, I just needed to say hi to them (words to live by).
From there, it's just about approaching more and more very beautiful women to get desensitized to it.
I have to say that the "fake it till you make it" philosophy helped me a lot develop my inner game and confidence, especially at the beginning of my pickup journey.
A better way to put it would be this one :
Put yourself in situations that are scary, pretend that you're not scared until you actually aren't scared anymore.
If you'd like to get personally mentored by me on figuring out your sticking points and saving YEARS of figuring this out by yourself and start dating attractive girls within the coming month, apply for a FREE consultation call HERE!