Turning Rejections Around
I’ve noticed some guys tend to give up early with girls who, while not showing interest, were still “game”. I do believe that’s a mistake to wait for a sign of interest before talking to a girl, or even wait for a sign of interest before making a move.
Flirting is not as straightforward as “hey, I like you let’s do it”. Sometimes it is, most of the time it isn’t.
I know for men attraction is a switch. It’s either on or off. But for women it’s more like… a thermostat.
I like the metaphor there because for girls it’s more about increasing the temperature gradually rather than being on or off. With that in mind it starts making more sense as to why they might be interested even if they don’t show clear signs of interest.
But we’re still confused! How do we know then, when a girl is clearly not interested?! Read on.
Now as a disclaimer, we are here talking about actual rejections. We're not talking about "she's my friend and I secretly like her but she doesn't pick up on the subtle signs I drop." but situations where the flirt is clear and assumed.
I’ve decided to compile here the different kinds of rejection you might face and ways to maybe turn those around. While there are many specific situations, it really boils down to the 3 cases bellow.
She ghosted you or she doesn't really listen to you
It's this situation where you're talking to her but you feel very well that she isn't too much in the conversation. She looks left and right, she gives you half-assed answers and doesn't invest in the conversation.
She isn't engaged and hasn't hooked to begin with, she probably is talking to you because she doesn't have anything better to do, or rather she's standing there answering you because she doesn't have anything better to do.
She's one inch away from going away or jumping in another conversation as soon as someone else comes around.
How do we turn this around?
She wasn’t hooked for some reason. If she isn’t hooked it is because your interaction with her wasn’t impactful enough. Maybe that’s because of you, maybe that’s because she was too busy or had something else on her mind.
I really advise you to become more polarizing to stand out, as you will see below, you have more chances to get with a girl if she hates you, rather than being transparent and having her ignore you.
Does that mean you should insult her or be mean to get her attention? Nope. Does that mean you should be the dancing monkey to get her to look at you? Not at all.
Firstly you want to make sure that you’re engaging enough. Engaging people give value. If you come in saying something that has exactly 0 value to her, she won’t give a damn about it. Avoid coming in talking about yourself, instead make her talk about herself, tease her or show her something new, that will be a start.
Then, maybe you were engaging enough but maybe she had something more engaging to her going on at the time (her cat died and she’s sad, there is a guy juggling and spitting fire in the background, etc). There you want to try again a moment later (a few days later in case of texting), do not be phased by her lack of reaction after your first approach.
Most of the time I’m in a club, girls who don’t hook the first time hook the second time. Persist a bit.
She unmatched you or she physically left the interaction
In the event that you start talking with a girl and she unmatches you or proactively leaves the conversation, you don’t want to be chasing her. It’s important to understand why she reacted that way to solve it.
If you actively approach girls you most definitely had this situation, where you approached a girl but something went wrong and after a while she excused herself to "join her friends on the dance floor" or "go to the bathroom" or "go get a drink", etc.
There she was into you at least a little bit but you've given her enough for her to be sure that she didn't want to continue the interaction. You made a mistake and she decided you were not investing more time with.
Usually it comes down to an obvious value gap that's too huge. Either because you broke rapport so much she left to protect her ego (while categorizing you as “the asshole”) or she realized that you were too low value for her and she lost all interest.
How do we turn this around?
This one is going to be tough because there you’ve clearly shown her that you’re not attractive and that’s why she left. Instead of going from neutral to attractive, we have to go from unattractive to attractive.
This is also going to be difficult because she physically went away, on top of showing her that you’re actually cool you have to find yourself in a location where she can see you without giving off the vibe that you’re following her (which would lower your perceived value even more).
If you manage to put yourself in front of her again though, you will have to display attraction by talking with other hotter girls, having a blast, leading the people around you, etc. You have to raise your social capital. Once done, you should be able to reopen her positively and have another shot.
She's screaming at you/she's sending you angry texts
She was attracted to you at least a little bit so her investment is there, but you said or did something that upset her for some reason (sometimes it's your fault, sometimes she got triggered for a bullshit reason outside of your control) and she wants to make it right.
That's good because she sees you as valuable enough to prove a point to you.
How do we turn this around?
Figure whether you really hurt her feelings or she’s just bitchy for the sake of it. Do not be apologetic but do apologize if you really hurt her feelings.
If her feelings are hurt, let her know that you noticed it and that you usually are someone who prefers to be honest and bold and that you just meant to figure out her boundaries.
Most of the time though it should be treated as a shit test, because she's basically assessing your frame and value. Sometimes, she’s just bitchy for the sake of being bitchy. Below is one legendary screenshot.
Now when I received that I got surprised, then triggered. And I didn’t react well. A better way to handle this would have been to ignore her being bitchy and holding the frame of having a fancy McDonalds date.
I didn't reply after that and to be honest that was a mistake, there was room to do more and this is the very thing that motivated me to write this article.
This is counter-intuitive but that’s the very point of passing shit tests, you do not want to react emotionally and stop her over-reacting. First thought will be that holding the frame will only trigger her even more, the problem is that stepping down would lower your value. So holding your frame is really the only viable option.
Figure out an outcome that will be a win for the both of you, and suck it up if her being a brat triggered you, she’s probably a freak in bed and you’ll get your reward later.