The Balance Between Needy & Apathetic
Updated: Nov 12
What is up como esta en la casa today we are going to see why not giving a fuck is not the answer to everything and why being a bit needy for a while isn’t that bad of a thing. As well as the opposite.
(And for once something that, as far as I know, RSD didn’t talk about before).
Beware, polarizing opinion below. Also, this is a more advanced concept. If you’re a beginner and/or you’re not able to go up to girls in public places yet, I invite you to watch this video and read this article.
I’ve been wanting to make this article for a long time because mindsets are a huge part of learning success with women in the long term. If you really are in this to be able to meet the best women in the world and start dating flight attendants, international models, business women, actresses, DJs, Instagram influencers, scientists, lawyers and generally speaking all those girls with very high standards, you want to keep on reading.
Sometimes, going the way you’re going about interacting with women will seem pointless and you will need to switch things up (that’s usually what happens before a level up in your understanding of social dynamics). Because learning this is not a straight line to an abundance of hot women, sometimes you will hit a wall.
And you will be confused. Being confused is good. It’s good because it’s when you realize that what you thought was true is actually not the truth, the way you thought the world worked is actually not the way the world works. Then you have this kind of cognitive dissonance between what your conception of things is, and what you see actually happen before your eyes.
In other words, you’re forced to accept reality if you want to move forward. My former edgy teenager self had the biggest hard time with this. So you will modify your behavior, because achieving your goal is what you truly want (remember? The hottest women in the world).
Learning social dynamics is a spiral
Let’s apply this to meeting women and improving your skills at getting along with higher quality girls.
Consider this idea for a moment and picture this in your head. There is a line. On the left side is neediness. On the right side is apathy. In the middle, a great balance of both that makes you cool and socially calibrated.
Sometimes you will feel and act needy for too long and realize that you're done with it, this behavior made you feel frustrated, confused and didn’t give you the results you wanted. You will decide to become apathetic towards women and you will "stop trying".
Notice this point where you just snap and realize that “Fuck that, I’m not giving a shit about girls anymore, I will go all in and if she doesn’t say yes I’m done with her”.
I will call it a “cycle switch”.
Some other times you might feel apathetic and put exactly 0 effort in meeting women, because you’re lazy, afraid to get your ego hurt or just because the mainstream says girls like assholes who don’t chase.
While this works a little bit better than being needy, you’re still missing on a ton of opportunities because you refuse to persist and dig deeper.
Eventually you will notice it and start texting girls a bit more, crack jokes more often on a date, open up about your feelings, etc. That’s another cycle switch.
Here is the problem though. Reality is nuanced and many people will just give up at some point right after a cycle switch, failing to see the nuances.
“White didn’t work out in the end, so black must be the answer, I guess”.
Reality is not black and white but rather more like 50 shades of grey, unless you dislike lame BDSM. Just kidding.
Point is, you don’t want to stop trying at the first cycle switch, because then you’re just bitter and frustrated, finding safety in the opposite of what didn’t work for you before.
The idea I'm pushing there is that I really believe over a long period of time of naturally oscillating between those 2 mindsets, you are still spiraling closer and closer to the center of the line, and getting more and more socially calibrated every time.
Instead of letting your brain do that by itself over the course of 50 years socializing, you can take control and proactively push the process to a severely reduced time frame of a few years.
Yes, learning Game is just like learning social dynamics naturally, but on steroids.
To all the visual learners out there 👊
What this will look like in the end goes like this :
For one month you will stick with girls you meet until they leave or tell you to fuck off. Double text allowed. This is honestly mentally draining and you probably won’t be able to hold for a month.
When the cycle switch happens you will then go full 180 and do the opposite.
For the month after, no double text allowed, no replies to girls who tell you that they aren’t sure/interested in you or if they text you something that doesn’t continue the conversation, break rapport left and right when you feel the conversation doesn’t go your way, etc.
Until the next cycle switch.
Let’s say that for a while you will try to have longer text conversations with girls, and that during another cycle you will try to get them out on a date in 5 messages at most.
Let’s say that for a while you will approach girls fully indirect and try to stay with them until you’re in a place where sex can happen, and that during another cycle you will let them know that you want to fuck them within the first 3 minutes of the interaction.
Let’s say that for a while you will only have “outside activities” dates, and that during another cycle you will only allow dates at your place.
The magic here is that once you’ve gone full circle, you already know the mistakes that your former self made 2 cycles ago and you will be slightly less needy in your interactions, while retaining what worked when you were in the non-persistent cycle.
It’s very important to try every aspect of dating, and then its opposite on the neediness/IDGAF spectrum. That’s how you get really good reference experiences and progress really quick.
I really believe most guys don’t do this and that's why they don't get really good at this.
Most guys will find what works for them and dig that niche. The guy who is a club promoter and only dates chicks from there. The guy who is a music producer and only date singers. The guy who is friendly and only date girls after befriending them. The guy who acts as a fuckboy and can't get into a serious relationship even if he's desperately trying to.
It’s really hard to be able to put your ego aside once you’ve figured something that works and to then try the complete opposite and therefore nuance your previous success. I could talk for hours about this silly ego thingy so that will be the topic of another article.
Over time and over the course of more and more cycles you will refine your game and become more and more socially calibrated. I like to see it quite like periods of bulking and periods of cutting when you hit the gym.
Always compare the reactions you get between those 2 behavioral cycles and, as always, stretch your comfort zone. I personally find this system to be a more natural way of learning game, it’s the proactive and purposeful trial-and-error.
Needless to say that you want to always be approaching and meeting more and more women to go through those cycles. If you need more help in approaching women and handling your dates, I do share practical, actionable videos on YouTube that you can find HERE.
PS. I also came up with a course to teach how meeting women during the day in public places is done!! It’s FREE as well and you can find it here.