Techniques or Core Confidence?
If you’re curious about success with women you’ve most likely heard about the Pick Up Artists thing that was going on and wild a few years ago.
It was going wild because for the first time it came to the knowledge of the mainstream that people were using, learning and teaching techniques to get girls to sleep with them.
For example there were techniques to start a conversation, others to get girls to dance, others to keep them to chase your approval, so on and so forth. Eventually, people realized that just learning techniques wasn’t good enough because girls were not that dumb and could easily see through a man putting on a front to seduce them.
Now it's so popular that they even reference it in Rick and Morty.
As such, quickly emerged the (quite incredible) idea that to attract more girls, you had to become more attractive.
Do those “techniques” still work? Is it worth learning? Should you just go to the gym and learn how to make more money instead? Let's figure it out!
Inner Game VS Outer Game
Learn your Pick Up Artist Lexicon already! What mere mortals refer to as confidence is now called Inner Game and seduction tricks and techniques as Outer Game.
So when I talk about inner Game, I’m talking about your inner confidence and standards. All that is inside you and that is not directly obvious to the woman you’re talking to.
The truth about inner game
I say not directly because you eventually cannot hide or fake confidence. If you get to talk to someone for even a small bit of time you will notice whether they are confident or not. Even if they fake it, even if they are good at lying. There eventually are behavior incoherence that one cannot hide.
If you’re reading this chances are that your inner game could be improved. In truth, mine too. Everyone’s inner game could be better. While “techniques” once perfected are quite finite, actual core confidence can always be improved.
And that’s what the inner game is fundamentally : how grounded and confident in your own reality you are.
And girls dig it. Having your inner game on point will have you exude the qualities of attraction.
You cannot fake that kind of confidence. You can pretend to be confident but only up to a point. Women are very good at figuring out whether a guy is actually confident or not. In fact that’s what they do every time they throw a shit test at you.
Reality is that the hotter a woman is, the harder she will test your confidence. The more demanded a woman is, the more she will test your inner game. That’s why I insist so much and so often on developing a strong inner game, that’s what gives you access to the best women.
Now the problem with developing your inner game you know it already and it is double : it’s either empty self-help “just be confident bro” advice or out of reach “get rich and get ripped” advice.
Simply ask around you, ask your friends who are good with girls, ask women. “How can I get better with girls?” and watch them answer “Just be yourself bro, just be confident, just be nice, just be good at it already it isn’t hard!”. And don’t get me started on looking it up on the internet...
And that’s not helpful.
On the other hand, getting more wealthy, more fit and improving your overall social status would take forever. Though that’s the direction I want you to go but let’s nuance that point first.
See, the thing is that women do not want the perfect uber alpha male, but someone who’s working on himself. For some reason, showing potential has almost as much value as already having that potential realized for women. That’s why women stay around cool but broke students, and cheat on their long time boyfriend if he gets lazy and complacent.
Only by working on your dreams and being a man on his path you will develop core confidence and become an unshakeable lighthouse of value. (link to the other article)
The thing with confidence is that it only comes through hardship and experience. You only truly know something works when you’ve actually done it. It is one thing to think that you can pull off a threesome, it is another to actually have done it and have the confidence to do it again.
It is one thing to know how to pick up a girl in public and sleep with her, it is another to actually be confident because you did it before and you know you can do it again.
True confidence comes from knowing that since you did it once, you can do it twice. Not from knowing that someone did it so you can do it too. That’s hope, not confidence.
Do you get the reference or am I getting old?
Now of course if you never picked up a girl before you’re not confident. You’ll have to take it step by step. First, we become confident in opening girls. Then in having a small chat with them. Then in organizing a meetup later on, etc.
Yes along the way you will get rejected a lot. But part of confidence also comes from a deep trust in your ability to keep getting back up only to try again. And the more you fail, try again and succeed, the more your base confidence goes up.
That’s where the true inner game growth happens. Only through hardships and “bad” times. I encourage yourself to seek and appreciate those bad times because they make you stronger and indirectly level up your game.
If I had to say it in one sentence I’d say the best way to develop your inner game is to always choose the hard way. Let me write it again in bold.
True confidence and true results come.
Be patient and keep working hard and smart. I did it, others in your situation did it. You will do it too. You know what they say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
The truth about outer game
Your outer game is your concrete ability to do concrete things. Let me illustrate.
You see a girl dancing, you know what is the best way to approach her. You see a girl reading a book, you know a funny thing that you could say to start the conversation. You’re on a date and you’d like to share about your personality with a girl, you know which funny stories to tell. You see a girl is rejecting every guy in the room, you know she will be attracted if she sees you with other girls.
You get the picture, it’s more mechanical, because you just know what is the most effective tactic available to you in a specific situation.
A great way to develop a great outer game is to drill situations and “ways to do things”. Approach a stranger on the streets one thousand times and you will know how to start a conversation with strangers on the streets. Ask a girl to dance with you one thousand times and you will know how to ask a girl to dance. Try to do small talk one thousand times and you will know how to do small talk.
The problem with outer game alone is that it feels shallow. You might drill things one million times, it won’t make them great, just convincing enough.
It also doesn’t work in the long run. If you only have canned lines well good luck improvising when you run out of things to say on your third date. It’s draining to always have to rely on prepared material and not being able to relax and let your personality take the relay.
That’s the main problem, you cannot develop meaningful relationships based on lines and moves that you read on the internet. You have to put your personality on the chopping block at some point eventually.
Gonna be honest with you, pick up techniques were created by desperate guys desperately trying to get laid by models, whether they’d see them again or not after wasn’t the concern.
It’s not a surprise that if you only learn techniques and you have no personality whatsoever girls leave you once they have been around your fake persona.
Outer game alone is not satisfying enough because it takes more effort to always seduce new great women than getting a good rotation of loving girlfriends. Plus there are a lot of benefits to having great relationships.
Though it is true that outer game is extremely useful, especially in creating attraction between you and the women you’re talking to.
The way I see it, outer game creates the first layer of attraction and gives you a bigger breathing room during your interactions, and the inner game comes a bit later to add another layer of attraction and allow girls to really love your personality. A good outer game is also great at efficiently leading girls to sex, so we’ll definitely take that.
Why they are important both together
Okay all this talk about confidence and techniques is good and all, but which is the best?
My guess is that you’ve figured my point already :)
Though inner and outer game are both of equal importance. Let’s consider one to be your inside mojo and the other one your outside toolbelt. One without the other will scapegoat your results and lower your potential skill ceiling.
They are both complementary.
For example, you might very well know that if a girl stares at you for five seconds you should be approaching her and say something to start the conversation, but because she is sitting between two guys and your inner game isn’t strong enough to handle the situation you get intimidated don’t approach her at all.
A model might invite you at the VIP booth behind the DJ in a club but because your inner game isn’t strong enough you’re too nervous to follow her there and refuse.
You might end up in a conversation with a gorgeous woman who was introduced to you by your best friend but because your outer game isn’t strong enough you’re unable to think of things to say to keep the conversation alive and she loses interest.
A beautiful woman might ask you to come home with her to have sex but because your outer game isn’t strong enough another guy comes in, ends up having an objectively more interesting conversation and goes home with her.
For most people learning social dynamics you have to learn them both separately and at the same time because first times are always awkward.
Ideally and at a very high mastery level, both the inner and the outer just come together. In the meantime, you need to be developing both or the one that is least developed will hinder your progress.
Thanks for reading! This is one of the articles that are very important to me because I believe there is a lot of misconceptions about learning success with women!
If you'd like to hear more of this and develop YOUR inner and outer game, figure a time that works for you and get on a FREE call with me.