She gave you her number and now she won't reply
Updated: Oct 13
Enough of not taking action! Yesterday you took the bull by the horns and approached that cute stranger. The interaction ended not too terrible, and you even got her to laugh. You exchanged numbers, you thought it was going well, and yet she is ghosting you and won't reply to your texts. You probably made one of the mistakes below.
Me, when I get ghosted.
The interaction was way too short
It's not that uncommon for girls to be approached by guys. Especially if she's pretty, that probably is happening to her multiple times a day. You want to differentiate yourself from the others in her mind.
Most girls see men as an abundant commodity. If it doesn't work out between you and her, she will think "I will probably meet another hot guy tonight anyways".
What will make her feel different about you is how invested she is in you. This is way more important than how "hot" or "interesting" she thinks you are.
The more time she spends with you, the more she invests in the relationship with you. If you only spent two minutes talking with her before asking for her number, chances are that she won't be invested enough in you to care about following up.
On the other hand, if you talked for 10 minutes and then went to buy ice cream for another 10 minutes, you immediately become more real in her mind. That's still quite short, but enough for a start.
The longer she stays around you, the more invested it is. That's why your long time girlfriend will be crazy about you, and that's why two minutes interactions don't lead to a date.
You didn't give her room to talk
Another very common mistake men do when approaching women they like. I totally understand, she's hot, you didn't plan your approach and now you're there in front of her. You feel nervous. And so you talk, a lot, and fast. And the more you talk, the less she talks.
So good that at some point you end up standing there in front of her doing most of the conversation. Throwback to the previous point, if you don't give her room to talk, she will not have the opportunity to invest.
In practice what that means is that you should count to 3 after each of your sentences, to give her room to answer something. You might be nervous and feel tension, but it is that tension that you should nurture because it will indicate that it's her turn to invest in the conversation. From experience, this is the most common mistake guys ever make when approaching girls that they like.
You do not vibe with the conversation
Look at the way friends and relatives talk. There is a natural flow to the conversation. Topic A leads to topic B, which leads to topic C, then you bounce back to topic A, then start talking about topic D, and so on.
When guys approach girls, especially in public places, they often assault them with questions, topic A, then topic B, then topic C, then topic D, etc.
" You've got a big bag, is there a bomb inside? Oh, haha, cool, so are you a student? Ah, then are you from the neighborhood? Cool, what's your favorite color? "
You've got my point. It's robotic, and kind of weird. No one talks like that.
This feels very unnatural and girls hate it when it feels unnatural.
Imagine you meet a women who is walking her dog, because you're walking your dog too. You will naturally start talking about dogs. And then the topic will die. And I can hear it coming :
" Soooo... What job do you do? "
When she notices you doing that she will see that you're desperately trying to stay in the conversation, and that is really not attractive.
That doesn't feel natural. There is no vibe to the interaction, and it just feels forced. A more advanced guy will instead naturally use the topic of dogs to bounce to another topic. Example below.
" Oh yeah I saw many dogs like yours when I was in my aunt's city. It's in the countryside. Do you like the countryside? "
Being able to hold and lead a conversation like this is an art in itself. Being able to bounce between topics comes with practice. I made a YouTube video on the topic of never running out of things to say if you want to dig deeper.
You do not take charge of the conversation
Since you're the one talking to her at first it is your burden to lead the conversation to the outcome that you want.
Is it really that much of a burden, really? I like to see it a different way.
It is you going for what you want, and figuring out if it can happen with this girl.
This is why you have to lead the conversation, propose new topics, make it fun and flirty, figure out whether she has girlfriend qualities, etc. You have the power in the interaction, you decide what happens. She is left with the choice to stay in the conversation, or leave it.
And that is what she wants, as well. If you do not lead the conversation, she will just wonder what is going on. And because she was initially just going about her day, if you do not give meat to the conversation, she will keep doing just that, going on about her day.
That doesn't mean that you should be talking most of the time. Sure, for the first 10 to 20 seconds you should, because you're initiating it. But then it should tend towards 50% investment on each side, while you will still be leading and initiating new topics.
In the end what does that give us?
A conversation that is at the very least 10 minutes long, which flowed naturally and where she had the opportunity to invest for at least 50% of the time.
Things are starting to look like a couple conversation, isn't it? Because that is what your interactions should look like. You're normally talking to a female, she could be your friend, she could be your girlfriend. You do not try to impress her and you're not nervously always reaching out for things to say. You lead the conversation and go with the flow of it, while trying to get to know her and be fun about it.
Consider those 4 different points as a checklist of things to do when you talk to girls you're attracted to. Drill them.
Reaching that level asks for some practice though. But if you're able to do so in every one of your interactions I can guarantee you a date in the coming week.