How to Text a Girl on Tinder
Updated: Oct 18
While seemingly so confusing, texting girls ain't that hard. Many guys consider it to be a game of chess, where they will make a move towards "flirting" with her and she will reply back with a move that's depriving them from attention or any kind of positive sign.
Ever been feeling that way on Tinder? I sure did.
Again, it's actually super easy if you understand that the key is to screen hard for girls who are actually down to meet.
Do not look for attention or validation.
If you are reading this then you are here for the results.
Detach yourself from reacting emotionally when a girl is mean or doesn't reply. Trust the process, execute the process, push those leads down the funnel.
There will be plenty of time to get to know those girls on a personal level once you get on date. Online is simply not the place to get to know people.
Three years ago there was a study that said only 25% of girls using tinder are actually there to meet someone. And obviously the biggest part was them being there for confidence boost and attention.
I came up with a 4 steps pattern in 2018 to screen people in an efficient way and get those who actually want to meet up when I was managing Tinder accounts for my clients all over the world.
Since then, I've tested and tried on thousands of matches (literally) this method, other methods, mixing different methods. From the mainstream "be nice" advice to the "shock her" advice, from the "try to be friend" advice to the "ask her out to fuck out of the blue" advice.
I think the only thing I didn't try so far is sending dick pics. In other words, to make your life easier and teach you how to do it properly, I've been through a lot of awkward online moments.
The method evolved, the lines got perfected, but overall the principles remain the same.
You basically have to find out step by step whether she is :
1. Up to talk
2. Interested in a flirty interaction
3. Down to meet
4. Able to give you her number to plan a meetup.
No useless small talk! Your profile is doing most of the job, remember. She swiped right so logically she already likes you.
She won't know you better after texting a bit nor a while. Texting is just to make sure you're a normal person and getting logistics for a date.
Let's go over the different steps together.
Up to talk
You want to open the conversation with anything. Don't overthink it. This really is the least important step. As long as you don't come off too strong or weird, she will answer if she is looking to meet someone.
My personal favorite first messages :
- Hello jello
- No time to waste, how adventurous are you?
- Si si senorita
Interested in a flirty conversation
The main part of the process goes here. You want to keep it short and sweet, while still not rushing it. Easier said than done? The main takeaway is that you want to take your time, give her space but still lead to a date. Refrain from replying more than one or two sentences in each text that you send, but don't fall in small talk.
How to know if you're writing too much? Look at how much she is writing. If she gives one word answers and you reply with 4 sentences, something is definitely wrong in the investment balance between you two : you're way too invested and that makes it look weird.
Use this step to banter a bit, show her that you're not on Tinder to find pen pals and figure out what cool things she likes to do on a date.
Here's how it goes:
Acknowledge and answer on what she says BUT do not continue on that topic, banter a bit but lead to a date. You are the one leading the conversation.
Drop a flirty line to let her know that you're not here to pointlessly talk. Lead to a date, figure out what she likes to do, force her to either help you make a date happen or tell you that she isn't interested in meeting you.
Down to meet
Take the jump and ask her for a meetup. Something that is interesting for the both of you is better but if you don't know what she likes just go for drinks. Consider moving to the next girl if she ignores when you ask her out and tries to change topic.
Able to give her number to plan meetup
Once she agreed to meet, ask for her number to figure out logistics later.
It's not that hard. And this takes away most of the headaches. Your job is to figure out whether she wants to meet up or not and make the meetup again. Her job is to be pretty and innocent in her texting. Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.
If you're interested in getting personally mentored by me to implement this in your texting game feel free to drop a comment below this article and I'll get back to you.
If you want to learn more for free about improving your online dating game, I made a guide on which this article is partially based. You can download it for free on this page.