Attraction: What Women Look for in a Man
Updated: Dec 8, 2020
I don’t know how red-pilled you are but I feel there are some things we have to make clear before we start to make sure we are on the same wavelength about what women find attractive. But don’t worry, I will back it up with the relevant scientific studies ;)
This article is to read with the article I wrote about Comfort, because having one without the other doesn’t make sense, the two concepts complete each other.
The other day I was talking with this guy who sounded quite desperate. He agreed that women like a confident man, but argued that he was too ugly and poor to actually become confident.
In my opinion he took the problem by the wrong end. He thought that looks and money matter so much that he couldn’t become more confident without becoming handsome and rich first. That he was confused because he was always nice to girls. And funny thing, I watched pictures of himself and he was actually ripped with a nice jawline, objectively a more handsome guy than me.
Maybe you find yourself in this situation? Believing looks matter so much that you got your fitness and style way above what normal people have, but still don’t find yourself attractive enough because you still don’t get girls.
You might see a very hot woman hang out with a very average guy, you’re confused, you judge yourself and convince yourself that the only explanation is that you’re still ugly while the problem has nothing to do with looks at all.
Behold, reality is coming in hot. Looks don’t matter that much. Being nice is not the way to seduce girls. Having money helps but not in ways you thought. In this article I will explain to you what actually matters in creating Attraction.
What are women looking for in a man
I want to start off this article by giving you a ranking of the traits that will attract women in a guy and a bit of scientific explanation. I think it’s important to reframe things so you have a correct understanding of what actually matters and to what extent.
Confused at why average guys with an average bank account can get hot girls to hookup with them? This will explain why. I was too, when as a broke student I dated a girl whose ex was a millionaire.
Confidence, energy, passion and ability to have her feel emotions
Social status, money, influence and lifestyle
Looks and generally that you’re a healthy guy
Humor, intelligence, wit and knowledge
Not the kind of stuff you will read in your mainstream magazine, sorry not sorry. This is hard psychology, sociology and science of human evolutionary behavior applied to real-life interpersonal dynamics.
Without getting too scientific, women are more emotional than men, so there is a huge emphasis on what emotions you make them feel, hence why the first spot for emotions.
We’re all at the mercy of our emotions messing with our judgement because we’re human, but again it has been proven that women are more emotional state dependent than men. Find more on that plus links to the studies here.
That’s also why men feel that women lie a lot. To them, whatever they feel at a certain time is an absolute truth, that’s also why a girl might tell you she loves you when her emotions are high and go radio silence the next day. But I digress.
Then, evolution demands that women pass their genes to the best possible mate, to make sure the offspring has the highest chances of survival, hence why status, lifestyle and money come second.
Looks show good genes too, but it’s better for the offspring to have a safe environment rather than the ability to survive in a hostile environment, hence the third spot.
Lastly, wit and general intelligence show that you’re able to understand the world around you, understand it better and so probably survive better. Find more on the last three points plus links to the studies here.
Why is this important?
First you want to know what to focus on. As I said in the introduction, if you’re so focused on improving your looks and still cannot attract women, that’s probably a sign that you should focus on improving your emotional talk or your social status.
It is of course necessary to work on all points to develop an attractive character, but if you’re only looksmaxing (working on your looks only) that will not be enough and your attraction will be very superficial.
There is also the possibility that there is another sticking point in what you do that is not related to creating attraction at all, and you might be the most handsome man on earth, if you’re awkward every time you’re around girls they won’t sleep with you.
What is Attraction
Okay so the hierarchy of things women look for in a man I gave you before only scrapes the surface of things. Being able to navigate a woman’s emotion, per se, doesn’t create attraction. That's what will happen when you will be able to mix attraction and comfort together.
What creates attraction is everything that will let a woman know that you have a high perceived social market value.
To put it in five years old terms : whatever shows that you’re better than the others.
See, as human beings we are always assessing for value, whether you do it consciously or not, whether we want it or not. Is it superficial ? Kinda. But that’s how nature works. The relative safety of modern first world countries makes it harder to see, but if you put yourself in a tribe context, you’d probably prefer to be in the tribe that has the bigger clubs and better stocks of food.
Point is, humans (and literally anything in nature) will gravitate towards what is beneficial for themselves. That is to say what increases one’s value in society.
I’d like to introduce you to the actual way social dynamics knowledge comes into play when learning what creates attraction. There are a few things that you want to work on specifically because those “attraction switches”, when pulled, will have a girl be more and more attracted to you over time. It’s not only about being attractive, but more so about how good you are at marketing yourself and letting girls know you’re attractive.
In other words, the more attraction switches you’re able to pull and let the women know about, the faster girls' attraction for you will grow. Always do remember though, that attraction alone is not enough to have girls sleep with you. You need them to trust you as well.
If you take this into account you can see once more why it’s easy to believe looks are everything : it’s obvious and straightforward. Square jaw and huge muscles ? It is attractive and it is obvious to see.
You are the most interesting guy in the room, you will rock a girl’s world and take her with you on a joy and hate ride of emotions and adventures that she will never forget nor experience with anyone else? That’s attractive but not that obvious to see.
You’re only as attractive as what you’re able to display.
Also, I believe if you’re reading this you’re past that already but for the sake of being complete I want to say that again : being nice doesn’t create attraction in itself.
What creates Attraction
You can either create attraction passively through being a “high-quality man”, or actively through what you will do.
Most of the old school PUA stuff aims to emulate and fake that you have those qualities by the way. My opinion on that : it’s your call, you either spend time learning how to cheat the game, or learn how to play the game well.
I'd rather never lie as it is most of the time a hassle to lie and remember every detail of every lie you ever said to make sure people don't realize you're a scam. Don't fake being great, actually spend time becoming great. With that in mind, you will see that attraction happens by itself if you just give the girl the opportunity to see you're attractive.
If you're actually attractive, you do not need to do anything. No need to brag, no need to entertain. The only thing you need to do is to put yourself in situations where the girl can figure out how great you are.
I will always advise you to develop attractive qualities and the social skills to display them instead of learning "Game gambits".
Below, the seven ways to create attraction.
Human beings have a few ways to make decisions. One of them is trial and error, another one is watching others do the trial and error. If other women are already attracted by you, well there are high chances that you’re actually attractive.
It’s a beautiful loop in which the more people like you, the more people like you.
Do not brag and try to fake it, it’s easy to spot. But if you’re genuinely a person with a million of successful and hot friends, people will perceive your value as even higher.
Women are attracted to men who are able to get the consent of the group, to lead the group, to care for the group. Basically, if you’re the leader of the tribe, you probably have more chances to be a good potential mate.
Women are also attracted to men putting other men down. Basically if you’re able to put another man down it means that you have more chances of survival than him and that therefore you’re a better potential mate. That’s as caveman as it gets.
Now in the modern world you can’t really beat people up to assert dominance so you have to be more subtle about it. It’s also risky because by doing so you will create yourself a lot of enemies and you generally don’t even need to be putting other men down to get girls to like you, most guys don’t have Game and they will disqualify themselves without you doing anything.
But for the sake of the example, if you’re in a position where you can fire people because you’re the boss, you will be seen as more attractive than the guy who’s getting fired.
Passion and ambition
It doesn’t matter where you’re at now, it matters where you’re going. Maybe now you’re a broke student but if you have a vision for your future, girls will be drawn by it as if you were already that accomplished man. That’s how I was able to get extra hot girlfriends even though I was a broke student. I was chasing my dreams and girls were drawn into it, they were attracted and curious to see where my story would end.
And I got dumped when I stopped chasing my dreams and started smoking weed and playing video games everyday. And found amazing girls again once I started going for my future once again.
Be a man on his path to greatness, be disciplined, have boundaries and be passionate about it. Not putting girls as your first goal in life is attractive.
Girls like a confident man who is able to lead, girls are in most cases more passive and insecure than men, they feel safe when they are with a man that’s able to lead them and take care of them. Feminists come at me. Girls feel safe with a confident man and feel awkward with a man who’s not able to lead.
While too much confidence is bad (because it means you have no empathy) not enough confidence is the death of your game. You want to be a solid rock, grounded in your reality. You want to be able to control your emotions and hold your frame.
If women disagree with you and insult you, it should not affect you. You’re a man going your own way, you thoughtfully decided that the path you’re on was the best path for you and nothing that others may say will move you astray.
What makes you better than others? What is your expertise? It goes hand in hand with the ambition and passion qualities as well with pre-selection.
Basically, if you're extremely good at what you do, if you’re successful in the mainstream sense of the term, you’re rare and therefore valuable. Being an authority in your field makes you shine.
Needless to say, excellence plus the ability to let as many people know about it is the way to fame and wealth.
How able are you to navigate social interactions? How can your personality stand out in a positive way that gives value?
This one is about your ability to manipulate your own behavior in a way that’s calibrated to the social interactions you’re having. Basically, how smooth, witty and able to withstand social pressure you are. This is about saying the right thing at the right time, this is being able to sell your ideas to others as well as getting your point across in a way that convinces.
Can you throw parties that are fun? Can you find out ways to give value to the person in front of you so they will in turn help you out with your goals? Can you properly hold a conversation with high caliber people? Can you get people to buy your products? Make sure you have a proper answer for all of those questions.
Go to the gym, learn about nutrition and lose that small belly. It isn’t rocket science but it needs and shows discipline. This is the most straightforward way to raise your attractiveness.
But what about money and status??
I didn’t forget about those. They are there, but they are more of a consequence than a cause.
If you are excellent at something because you followed your passion with ambition, all the while cultivating a nice social circle that gives you pre-selection because you realized the importance of being socially intelligent, you will eventually end up having a lot of money, social connections, great lifestyle and influence provided you put in enough hard and smart work.
The mainstream really exaggerates the importance of good looks, money and status.
See, the things with money and status is that people associate it to the qualities of attraction because they assume their attractiveness, more than actually being attractive as a person. You might be attractive if you’re rich because usually people who are rich are also smart, disciplined, cunning and able to do things that most people can't do. But it is not always true, you’ve got yourself an assumption of attractiveness, aka halo effect.
That’s also why some rich kids who inherit from a rich family have no game and literally cannot understand women, eventually to end up with a girl who’s either abusive, a gold-digger, or both.
If you do not have the qualities of the attraction, you may be rich and have a beautiful girlfriend, she won’t truly love you and she will cheat on you with the pool boy eventually. Do not be the provider, be the actual attractive man.
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